Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
