My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
