hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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