i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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