I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
