i just wanna soil my oats bro
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
