Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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