i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
