I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
