she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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