fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
