No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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