The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
