If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
