she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
