Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
