We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
