If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
