you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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