I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
