Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
