she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
