i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
