Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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