That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
