bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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