Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
they're like a gay fantastic four
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
