Dual....:-)
accomplished twins. life is a go
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
