smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
