My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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