Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
