we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I think people are normalizing furries
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
