Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
