Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
operation harelip BJ is a go
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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