Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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