is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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