I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
