on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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