C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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