You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize