No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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