somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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