You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
