She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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