Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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