i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
