you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
