Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
