I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
