The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
