You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
