the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
