she woke up with a sticky ear
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
