i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
