just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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