I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
