It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
That's when you crack a 10am beer
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
