god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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