New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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