you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
