I feel great
I just peed on a car
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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