he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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