TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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