I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
