Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
