If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize